idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
