Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
