Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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