Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Randomize