she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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