I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
