i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
