He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
