What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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