Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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