Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize