I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
