The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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