can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
