He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
