Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
