the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
