sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
