i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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