You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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