my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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