girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
