Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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