I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize