oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
