i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
