Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
