I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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