Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
