I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Alive.
So much puke
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
