I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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