with your own penis?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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