and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
someone owes me an orgasm
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
how drunk are you?
Several
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
