There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish my penis had a tongue
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
