Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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