Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nobody cheats on THIS.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
