So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
God I need to hump something, right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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