I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
