how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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