I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
