It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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