you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
