Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
