i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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