my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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