Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
