Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
