What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
