I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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