Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
