My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
