sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
