I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
