Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
