but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Small penises have feelings too.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
