The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
