She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
