pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
