hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
