He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
