I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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