Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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