I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
