He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
