operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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