I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
