I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
