I just threw up on my dentist
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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