My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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