New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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